Sassypiehole | You've been warned!
  • What I Say
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    • The Archives >
      • 2016 - What I Say Archives >
        • May 2016 >
          • Spoiler Alert: None Of Us Are F*cking Perfect! #IJWTBP
          • Escalator Boot Camp For Kids
          • When Will The Whine Go Bad?
        • April 2016 >
          • Overcoming Stage Fright While Listening To Your Mother
          • Help, My 8yo Wants To Shave Her Legs!
          • If You're Gonna Buy Cheap Liquor, Don't Do it In Ohio
        • March 2016 >
          • Good Things Happen When You Listen To Your Mother
        • February 2016 >
          • The Discipline Game
          • Even A Skinny Girl Can Feel Like A Cow
        • January 2016 >
          • Not A Good Mourning
          • Mile Marker #49
          • Why I'd Rather Be A Bitch Than A Bully
          • Diary Of A DIshwasher
      • 2015 - What I Say Archives >
        • December 2015 >
          • Shut Your Piehole: A Message To The Easily Offended
        • November 2015 >
          • 15 Things You Need To Know Before Cutting The Umbilical Cord
          • What Kids Hear When Mom Says No
        • October 2015 >
          • Death Of A Powder Room
          • Too Cruel To Be Kind
          • Mombat: The Fight Amongst Creators
          • Who Said Motherhood Was Supposed To Be Fun?
        • September 2015 >
          • Finding A Good Dentist Is Like Pulling Teeth
          • Mom: The Hooker Of All Janitors
          • A Boy On A Mission... Teaching A Generation To Give
          • Two Words: SUPER LICE
        • August 2015 >
          • 20 Reasons Why Moms Should Celebrate The First Day Of School
          • When Grandma Steals Your Birthday Thunder
          • A Tearful Goodbye To Aunt Flo
        • July 2015 >
          • The Goofy Juice Conspiracy: #RefreshYourFunny
        • June 2015 >
          • The Battle Of The Midtown Mom
          • Barbie Trash Talk
          • When Kids Are The Only Reason To Get Up In The Morning
          • This Is BlogU
        • May 2015 >
          • My Body: The Temple Of Doom
          • Be A Man. Own Your Sh*t.
          • How To Dispose Of Your Kid's Art Without Them Knowing
          • Goat Party
          • Knock, Knock. Who's There? Old Age. —DON'T ANSWER!
          • Child Abduction Social Experiment: How Scary Is THIS?!
        • April 2015 >
          • Be Kind, Rewind.
          • Ball Of Yarn
          • When Is It Time To Leave The Toughest Job You’ll Ever Have?
          • The Business Of Monkeys
          • PhenomeMOM
          • A Meeting Of The Minds
          • Parenting Advice: Got Any?
        • March 2015 >
          • If Parenting Were Easy, I'd Have More Kids
          • 28 Things I Just Found Inside My Daughter's Purse
          • Lisa And Jenn Go To Lunch: A Story Of Friendship And Courage
          • Sassypiehole Gets Published!
          • Uninvited Mouseguest
          • The Mysterious World Of 444
          • Slim Brady: A Story Of Strength And Courage
        • February 2015 >
          • Unpaid Labor —Literally!
          • How (Not) To Open A Coconut
          • The Organ Of My Discontent
          • The Leprechaun Catchers
          • Pain In The Ass —Literally!
        • January 2015 >
          • Morning Calamity
          • To Catch A Leprechaun
          • The Aftermath Of Childbirth
          • Does Reincarnation Exist? Maybe You Should Go Ask The Dog!
      • 2014 - What I Say Archives >
        • December 2014 >
          • Forgiveness Is Just A Click Away
          • My Own Private Paradise
          • Pick Your Nose And Pull Back A Nub: A Kid-Must PSA
        • November 2014 >
          • Eat Your Supper!
          • Maybe It's Me; Maybe It's Menopause
        • October 2014 >
          • The Night That Santa F@cked Up
          • How To Piss Off A Woman In Five Easy Steps
          • Obsessive Compulsive Playdate
        • September 2014 >
          • Dismantling Clutter
          • Oh, Happy Day!
          • Bip The Drip
          • What You Get Is What You See
        • August 2014 >
          • Wrinkled and Dizzy Sweater
          • Secondhand Smoke
          • To Kill A Mocking Mouse (Pun Intended)
        • July 2014 >
          • Black Croc Down
          • Final Wishes
          • Cavity Search
          • House Sitter
        • June 2014 >
          • The Pill
          • The Boss
          • Nipple Bite
          • Forced Religion? Not In MY House!
        • May 2014 >
          • Cheese Louise
          • Brokeback M̶o̶u̶n̶t̶a̶i̶n̶ Van
          • My Homeless (Not) Friend
          • The Best Decision I Ever Made
        • April 2014 >
          • Sword Writing
          • When Life Gives You Lemons
          • Lego's? They Ought To Call Them Footgo's!
          • Young Love: A Girl And Her Bracelet
        • March 2014 >
          • Circus Life
          • What?
          • Priorities: My How They've Changed!
          • Big Girls Don't Scream!
          • Entitlement: When did THIS become a thing?
          • The Day I Almost Lost... "THE Finger!"
          • Pudge: A 17-lb. Heavyweight
          • The Gym: A Place Where People Go To Sweat And Be Jerky
          • Birthdays: It's not about YOU anymore!
          • The toughest job you'll never have (unless you try)!
          • Psycho Kitty
          • Is it bad that I only dream of sleeping?
          • Blurred Mentality
        • February 2014 >
          • Salon Therapy
          • Move over, Elf... There's a new sheriff in town!
          • "Time Out" is just slang for "Shut the *&@# up!"
          • You Get What You Get And You Don't Pitch A Fit!
          • Club Argonne: A Banking Faux Pas
          • The SouperBall
          • Motherhood: The OTHER Dementia.
          • You're only as sick as they SAY you are!
          • Tomato Heist
          • Playdate, Plaguedate... What's the difference?
          • Snow Day
          • The upside of being single
          • Snow Beast versus The Drunk Girl
          • Monday... It's just another word for LIFE!
          • The Truth About Love (It's Not What You Think)
          • The Golden Rule of Cleaning (Husbands: Take Note!)
          • This is what happened when I quit my first job.
          • If it's FREE, there's usually a reason!
          • NO, as a matter of fact, I am NOT on my period!
          • (Moms) Will Work For FREE!
        • January 2014 >
          • Pregnancy: When "no" means "NO!"
          • Alert the media - 40 is the new 65!
          • Made In vaChina!
          • When it doubt, blame the dog.
          • Friends shouldn't let friends wear men's underpants and call it fashion.
          • I've got so many balls in the air that sometimes he mistakes one for his own!
          • Stuper Bowl Sunday
          • Mom vs. Devil - A Battle of Wits
          • Dance Bully
          • Forever Young
          • Imaginary friends DO exist (and they're living in my house)!
          • PARENTAL ADVISORY: I AM the explicit content!
          • If I thought for a second that I'd end up doing THIS again, I never would have had kids!
          • It's a good thing there isn't a rehab for smokers... Because rehab is for quitters!
          • AD/HD... It's not just for kids anymore!
          • Whining + Melodramatic Tears = A Kid At PetSmart
          • Long-term total sleep deprivation has caused death in lab animals... Guess it's a good thing I'm not a rat!
          • If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all! ~Hee Haw, circa 1969
          • If everyone followed this one piece of advice, the world would be a much better place!
          • Four more cats and I would've been THAT girl!
          • I used to dress like a hooker, then I had kids!
          • If anyone asks, I'm a pole dancer. That way, when they find out the truth, they'll be far less disappointed.
  • What THEY Say
    • The Archives >
      • 2015 - What THEY Say >
        • September 2015 >
          • Little Boys And Cram Crackers
        • June 2015 >
          • Turning Toddlers Into Teens | The Unfit Father
        • May 2015 >
          • 6 Parenting Styles I Embrace | The Mediocre Mama
          • Parenting Gives Me Indigestion | Copycate
          • Dear Mom-To-Be | Defining Motherhood
    • Guest Blogger Submission Form
  • Rants & Raves
    • Submit Product For Review
    • The Archives >
      • 2016 - Rants & Raves Archives >
        • May 2016 >
          • Enter to Win a FREE myCharge HUB Max Charger
        • March 2016 >
          • Turn Your Kid's Crappy Artwork Into One-Of-A-Kind Jewelry
      • 2015 - Rants & Raves Archives >
        • May 2015 >
          • Are Three Arms Really Better Than One?
      • 2014 - Rants & Raves Archives >
        • Nov 2014 >
          • Looking For A Lunch Box That Will Keep Your Kid's Lunch HOT? Boom. Found It!
        • July 2014 >
          • What To Do When There Is Nothing To Do And You Have Kids?
        • June 2014 >
          • Osmo: A Real Game Changer For Creative Learning On The iPad!
        • May 2014 >
          • Ground Control To Major Mom
          • Organic Custom Baby Quilt
          • Drawing A Blank? Not Anymore!
        • April 2014 >
          • Attention All Mothers: You Need This!
          • Stoppy: A Stylish Doorstop That Works!
          • DIY Sunlight Powered Screen-Printing
          • Kid's Placemats, With A Modern-Twist
        • March 2014 >
          • Cacoon
          • Looks Like Putty Got Smart!
          • Simply Put: I Want One!
          • Filip Wearable Phone Watch
          • Wonki Wands: Mind-Blowingly Enormous Bubbles!
        • February 2014 >
          • Indoor S'mores–For REAL!
          • Who needs powder when you got grass?
          • Breast Milk Lollipops? Yep... It's a thing!
          • Cartoons come to life - I freaking' LOVE this!
        • January 2014 >
          • If you buy it, they will play (maybe for hours)!
          • Where else can you beat on a ball with a metal rod and not get sent to prison?
          • When babies have mustaches, it is inappropriate to make mustache ride jokes... Just an FYI
          • Are your balls glowing? Maybe they SHOULD be!
      • 2013 - Rants & Raves Archives >
        • December 2013 >
          • If they don't like it, you can always hit them in the face with it!
          • What's that you say? A cool, low budget gift for Christmas?
          • Pewi, what's that smell? "Oh, that's called STYLE, my dear... And I wish I would have had it when MY kid was learning to walk!"
          • A personal sleigh for your highness!
        • November 2013 >
          • Now when you call me a slacker, it will mean something entirely different!
          • Hey writers... Got a lot to say about nothing, but can't figure out what to say? Let Storymatic help!
          • In my next life, I want to be a millionaire so I can spend all my money on toys for my kid!
        • October 2013 >
          • Diva moms on a budget... You can thank me in advance for what I'm about to tell you!
          • Don't take your anger out on mommy... say hello to Mr. Bonks!
          • I'll let you in on a little secret: kids don't know how much things cost and sometimes it pays to stick to the basics!
          • Next time you tell your kids to "go draw mommy a nice picture," don't be surprised if they ask for one of these!
          • The ideal gift for SWINGERS! (No pun intended.)
          • Look... you're SIX-YEARS-OLD: if you want cookies, make 'em yourself!
          • Go ahead: THROW my iPhone in the toilet, see if I care! Well... maybe not the toilet, perhaps we could just stick to large bodies of water?
          • How I became the Walter White of caffeine, minus all the millions and dead people.
          • Now when you trip on your way downstairs and land on your only GOOD tooth, you can thank your 2-year-old for calling for help!
          • Bunk beds are making a come-back... for adults!
          • Brace yourself, Daddy: That playhouse you built out of unmatched, termite-infested scrap wood you swiped from the neighbors back yard has finally been replaced.
          • I guess if my husband left one of THESE giant eggshells in the sink, I really don't think I would mind at all!
        • September 2013 >
          • If you plan on letting your 3-year-old stay up and watch horror movies this Halloween, at LEAST put one of these on their nightstand!
          • The incredible UN-edible egg
          • If you're gonna help mommy vacuum, you'd better be legit!
          • Every person alive should own one of these, unless of course, they really ARE a witch!
          • Who said you can't teach an old dog new tricks?
          • If butts could talk, they'd tell you to buy one of these!
          • If you need an iPad in the bathroom, you're probably doing it wrong.
          • Shhhh... don't squeeze the animals: that's HER job!
          • Enough already: Shut the f...ront door, lock it and take your kids to the park!
          • Santa's not the ONLY one with a cool sled!
          • I see London, I see France, I see... wait... whaaaa??!
          • Mah-Na Mah-Naaaat such a bad idea!
          • The Gods Must Be Crazy... or just really f-ing cool!
          • What the hell is Zipfy? Oh... you're gonna want to know!
          • It's a dog-eat-dog world out there, and I'm about to eat mine!
          • Idiot-proof decoration... even for an idiot
          • No left turn... well, at least not for another 20 minutes!
        • August 2013 >
          • The Backpack War
          • Booster seat fit for a Prima donna
          • I like cool swag and I cannot lie...
  • Common Sense Etiquette
    • Level I: The Simple Things >
      • Lesson #1: How To Clean A Dish
      • Lesson #2: How To Change A Roll Of Toilet Paper
      • Lesson #3: How To Pick Up Your Shit
      • Lesson #4: How To Push A Button
      • Lesson #5: How To Turn Off A Light
      • Lesson #6: How To Be A Courteous Snacker
      • Lesson #7: How To Close A Refrigerator Door
      • Lesson #8: How To Close The Door On A Microwave Oven
      • Lesson #9: How To Turn The Volume Down on A Remote
      • Lesson #10: How To Lock A Door
      • Lesson #11: How To Pick Up A Sock
      • Lesson #12: How To Eat A Chip
      • Lesson #13: How To Push In A Chair
      • Lesson #14: How To Spray A Can Of Air Freshener
      • Lesson #15: How To Return A Pen
      • Lesson #16: How To Feed A Cat
      • Lesson #17: How To Put Seat Down On A Toilet
      • Lesson #18: How To Make A Bed The Lazy Man's Way
      • Lesson #19: How To Close A Drawer
      • Lesson #20: How To Close A Flip Lid
      • Lesson #21: How To Hang A Key On A Hook
      • Lesson #22: How To Turn Off A Gas Burner
      • Lesson #23: How To Pick Up A Towel
      • Lesson #24: How To Discard A Used Tissue
      • Lesson #25: How To Lock A Bathroom Door
      • Lesson #26: How To Move A Toy
      • Lesson #27: How To Close A Bag
      • Lesson #28: How To Turn Off A TV
      • Lesson #29: How To Locate And Remove An Unidentified Odor
      • Lesson #30: How To Close A Shampoo Bottle
      • Lesson #31: How To Shut A Door
    • Level II: A Step Above The Ordinary >
      • Lesson #1: How To Wipe A Counter
      • Lesson #2: How To Straighten Something
      • Lesson #3: How To Feed A Fish
      • Lesson #4: How To Push A Broom
      • Lesson #5: How To Empty A Trash Can
      • Lesson #6: A Brief Introduction To The Dishwasher
      • Lesson #7: How To Blow Out A Candle
      • Lesson #8: How To Open Mini Blinds
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